Fanboy and The Movie Rogue’s Aman Bhonsle sees a disturbing disconnect between what the Suicide Squad trailer promises and what the movie actually delivers. Watch at your own risk!

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Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in its own $#it. No escape from this crappity!

For me to fully list down all the strikes that this movie has committed against me as a fanboy would require me to write a document longer than the constitutions of some countries. Hence, I’ll keep the effort short & as pain-free as I can.

I had big hopes for this movie. BIG. David Ayer’s impressive filmography both as writer (Training Day) & director (End of Watch, Fury) tells us that he’s got a strong authorship over his work & a voice to contend with the best in the business. I was so excited that he was the one making this movie. If anyone could untangle the cords, it’s the guy who makes a tank movie with Brad Pitt, right?

I love David Ayer. But the problem is – I hated Suicide Squad.

Suicide Squad main cast

   © WARNER BROS.

What makes me sad to say this is that I was really really rooting for this movie to succeed so that the DC and Warner Bros. folks could finally shout SUCK IT! But it seems that Marvel has already changed the game so much that anyone who wishes to be a contender or topper of the status quo had better be shitting gold of singing show tunes while they do it.

Those of you who know me directly would wonder if there was ever an ‘easy come – easy go’ way into this movie. Batman V Superman sucked. It was trashy but it pretended to be a Christopher Nolan film.

I have been waiting for this film for the better part of a year – having incessantly played & replayed all trailers to this film which I’m sad to say give away all the best parts of the film. I was this close to bawling like a 14-year-old at his first house party when the theatre went dark and the movie started.

From that point onwards what begun was a joyless ride through a movie that was sloppily paced & tonally uneven. This is a bad thing.

Suicide Squad doesn’t make you smile long enough to make you enjoy it neither does it particularly grip you with its unique action choreography or stellar performances to make you chew your nails. But let’s not jump the gun.

A bit about the story. Amanda Waller is a shady as hell government agent who uses the fear-mongering caused by the events of Batman V Superman to assemble Task Force X – a team of an elite but dangerous incarcerated criminals who she thinks will bid her calling if she retrofits them with a bomb in their neck.

The loose cannons comprise of  Master Hitman – Deadshot (Will Smith), Thug – Captain Boomerang (Jay Courtney), Psychopath – Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie) and a few others like Firestarter – El Diablo, Mutant – Killer Croc. As I begin to type this list out, I’m beginning to wonder if I left the kettle on or not.

They set out on a mission to stop a witch called the Enchantress who looks like a reject from a poorly produced Supernatural spinoff on local cable. She moves like Shakira but looks like the bastard child of Cleopatra & Sushi weed.

Do they stop her? Was the mission what they said it would be?

Suicide Squad Enchantress

   © WARNER BROS.

My answer is – who cares?

Will Smith basically plays himself again as a cocksure smooth operator. Margot Robbie is good as Harley Quinn but her craziness feels dialed down. Everyone else is functional & no character (in the mass roster in the film) truly stands out for me.

That’s right. There’s so much stuffed into this movie that none of the characters really get to breathe & fully inhabit their roles (something Marvel’s films are exceedingly good at). In Civil War, newcomers such as the Black Panther, Ant-Man, Spider-Man and the veterans all had moments of badassery to fully live,  breathe their characters and show the world what they were all about. Those nuances & subtleties are what make the ensemble film such a great genre for me. What a wasted opportunity!.

Another big gripe that I have with this movie that could not have gone unmentioned is the CRIMINAL waste of a talent like Jared Leto. While the trailers to this film may lead you to believe otherwise, the Joker purely exists in this movie to service Harley Quinn’s backstory. While his characterization is pretty spot on, we never really get any stand out moments with him as the Joker is barely there on the screen for even 5 minutes. I’d argue that even Kevin Costner’s  Jonathan Kent has more screen time in Man of Steel! Sorry to burst your bubble.

All that method acting & sending of pigs organs to cast members for what – a 5-minute cameo? Sorry, Jared. We’ll have to wait to see what you can do.

Kudos to the trailer Producers for making a complete & utter fool out of us. Even the line from the trailer where he says ‘I can’t wait to show you my toys’ – is missing from the movie.

Really DC? Really?

Suicide Squad The Joker

   © WARNER BROS.

Is that how far out in the game we’ve gotten? Where editing gimmickry & cheap tricks is what it will take to upstage Marvel? Marketing campaigns don’t make movies. Good storytelling does. All the dialogues you enjoyed in the trailer feel very flat in the movie for some reason. Suicide Squad was a promise of big things and what we got instead was a movie that’s about as generic as a Power Rangers TV special & dare I say – less entertaining than the Ghostbusters reboot?

Oh, the pain!

The special effects work in Suicide Squad looks like it belongs in a Ubisoft game from 2003 rather than a DC Extended Universe film! The background music & forced rock music soundtrack adds a real chunky-clunky-flunky quality to the movie. Rock nostalgia is great but … why do I even care anymore?

As for the climax of the movie,  let’s not get started on that. It’s so underwhelming, I winced every time I thought about it after.

Suicide Squad is unable to course correct it’s self-parody bearings & can’t seem to make up its mind about the type of movie it really wants to be. It wants to be a fun ensemble film like Guardians of the Galaxy but still wants to maintain its pop psychedelic & dark undertones. If by dark you mean (absence of light) & or anything that illuminates a shot well, then yes – this movie succeeds. It’s like the whole movie was shot in a cellar bellow Guillermo Del Toro’s house!

Aaargh! Can I stop writing this review now? I can’t write anymore. I’m sorry folks. I’m weeping from the pencil wound I inflicted on myself because I wanted to experience something more painful than the Suicide Squad! I can’t feel my ears. It was great knowing you’ll.

Alright, I’ll stop now.

Suicide Squad is a weathered squawk, scattered mess & a giant squat of doody in David Ayer’s erstwhile stellar film work & hopefully the talented filmmaker will find his mojo again.

While it’s sufficient to say that while I may continue to go for these DCEU movies like the sucker I am for the genre, my hopes & dreams travel with Marvel who look like they’re finally winning this war with decidedly crisper & more in-depth pieces that are not always lighter in tone (case in point Daredevil & Jessica Jones).

Suicide Squad is a suicidal watch. Go for it but lower your expectations first.